Thursday, July 27, 2006

Um título qualquer pra marcar a presença de um ótimo texto anti hipsteria

Aimee Plumley é uma new yorker que odeia os pós-modernos-
bem-vestidos-instruidos-seguidores-de-uma-sub-cultura-original. Esse texto é um clássico dela (ela é o pseudônimo de Brian, um escritor de 25 anos) que exemplifica uma das coisas que incomoda no contato com modernos pretensiosos.


John, 25, is a classical musician. Billy, whom John and I just met, is a hipster and a self-described 'musicologist.' John, a violinist, was educated at Juliard. I rarely ever get a chance to see him, but he happened to be free this night, and we happened to find ourselves at this house party, which was relatively hipster-free until we got to the roof. John's smart and handsome, but he's definitely not a hipster, and he doesn't like to tell people he's a violinist because he thinks it makes him seem dorky. Billy turns to us, his feeble little mop-head swinging languidly on his pale Midwestern neck, and slurps from his beercan. "You guys listen to music?" The tone is one of classic hipster faux-nonchalance, think James Dean thumbing his sideburns (gag), burping, smiling about something we don't know about, shaking his head. And this is chit-chat, this is back and forth, at least one would think so. But it's not, and I can already tell this isn't a question. This is a monologue; this is Billy's monologue, dressed up like a question. But John isn't a hipster. He doesn't have the pop culture burden that I have inexplicably gathered, one that allows me — that forces me — to differentiate between these 'types' of people. John's not cynical like me. Whereas I would have answered "No, I don't listen to music at all," John answers, enthused, "Yeah man, definitely!"
Billy's head swings again toward us, "Good, music's cool."
Billy's wearing a black T-shirt with a tear near the bottom, on the front it says "Dragons '86" in crumbling white silkscreen. He's wearing blue jeans and expensive diesel sneakers. He's got a 'tribal' tattoo on his right arm, which he's holding himself up with.
"Yeah, definitely," John says.
"So, what kinda music do you guys like?" Billy asks.
"Oh, I dunno," John says. "Rock I guess."
Billy sneers. He's getting warmed up.
"Cool man. Very cool," he says smiling. "So, ah, what kinda rock do you guys listen to?"
"Well, it's not just rock," John says. "I mean, I listen to all kinds of stuff. You know, a little of this, a little of that."
Billy switches arms. He's closing in on us, he's smiling.
"That's totally cool man, totally cool," Billy says.
"I guess so." John says, and looks at me, questioning. I shrug.
"So, like, what bands do you guys like?" Billy asks.
"Oh, uh, I like… well, hmm. I've been listening to all kinds of stuff lately. I like Radiohead."
Billy tries to look respectfully at John, but he can't. He's like dog taking a shit, once he's started, he can't stop. "Yeah, Kid A was alright," Billy says, his eyebrows raised in simulated empathy. "I mean, it was kind of a rip-off of Aphex Twin, but whatever."
"Um-hm," John says. But he's never heard of Aphex Twin, he's never heard of Kid A either, but he gathers it's some Radiohead song. "I dunno, I mostly hear them on the radio, so I don't really know any song names or anything. I like the guy's voice though."
"Oh yeah?" Billy asks. "Tom York, what a pud. I didn't know they put out any singles for that, since it was kind of avant. Fuck, I don’t listen to the radio, so I wouldn't know. I don't even have a TV."
"Oh yeah?" John asks.
"Yeah man," Billy says. "I'm kind of a musicologist."
"Oh, great!" John says. "So, uh, what kind of music do YOU listen to?"
"Shit man, I listen to everything. You guys listen to Emocore?"
"I dunno," John says. "What is that?"
"You ever hear of the Get Up Kids?"
"I don't know" John says.
"Oh, how about Death Cab For Cutie?"
"Nope." John says.
"Oh," Billy says. "Well, Emo is like, it's like Emotional, you know?"
"Like how do you mean?"
"Like, have you guys ever heard of Sunny Day Real Estate?"
"Don't think so," John says.
"Oh. Well Emo is like pretty hard stuff, with emotional lyrics."
"Oh." John says.
"Yeah, it's cool. You guys ever heard Jimmy Eat World?"
"I don't think so." John says.
"Shit man, what about At The Drive-In?"
"Nope" John says.
"Minor Threat?"
"Umm, I've heard of them."
"Hot Water Music?"
"Oh yeah!" John says. "Didn't they have that one video with the Happy Days thing?"
"I dunno." Billy says. "I don't watch TV."
"Oh yeah."
"Well, Emo is like pretty dynamic and shit. It's kinda like Indy rock, but it's more like Post-Punk, like Progressive and stuff."
"Hmm." John says.
"What about Rites of Spring?"
"Nope." John says.
"Yeah," Billy says. "Weezer's like the most commercial of the Emo bands, they're new album kinda sucks."
"Oh yeah?"
"They got that dude from that one group, you know that 80s band, The Cars?"
"Yeah," John says. "The Cars."
"Well they got that singer to produce this album and it totally sucks."
"Oh, too bad." John says.
"Yeah, but they sold out anyhow."
"Oh." John says.
There's a break in the conversation now; the three of us stare up at the sky. Billy's looking contented and ready to continue educating us about music.
"So shit man, you should check out some Emo dude," Billy says. "I guess you don't listen to music much huh?"
"Yeah. Maybe." John says.
"So like, what do you do anyway?"
"Oh," says John. "I'm a professional musician."


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